the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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