i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
