just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
