I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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