this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
