I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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