dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
