I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well I just put wine in my tea
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
