There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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