is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
