It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
