omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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