how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
