somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
