so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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