Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
