i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
