I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
