so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
