i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
