He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
