well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
