Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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