Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
