Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
