I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
