I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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