i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
