I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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