Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
