Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
