In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
