She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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