Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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