I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
