by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
