she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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