You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
