Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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