your parents love me but you hate me
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I need water and some morals
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
