the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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