She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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