ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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