She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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