Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
