Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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