Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
