the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
