using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
