Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
