At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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