We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
