the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
