So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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