He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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