I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
