After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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