Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
