I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i think my cat just said my name.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
