You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
