he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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