I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
