You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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